Print Posted on 08/03/2017 in Healing

From Darkness to a Sunny Soul

From Darkness to a Sunny Soul

* by Helena Berggren 

I lived in a darkness for years. Depleted and was unable to enjoy life’s joys and pleasures. If I could put an image to how I was feeling, the best description I have is that I felt like a cold, old, and empty room where all the light bulbs had burnt out a long time ago... I was just an empty shell that looked like me but I had no feelings. I was numb.

I had been silenced by fear. I was afraid of expressing feelings, good or bad. I wasn’t allowed to feel joy unless I was told to feel joy. I wasn’t allowed to be angry unless I was told to be angry. I wasn’t allowed to be sad unless I was told to be sad… I learned to live like that thanks to the marriage I was in. It was simply safer for me to copy the feelings of my (at the time) husband, than having any of my own – because no matter how I turned it – I was always wrong and I would always be punished.

I was falling deeper and deeper into my darkness, wondering what was wrong with me. I was constantly trying to figure out what I could do differently. Since I was a believer in love, I figured I needed to give more love in order to receive crumbles of love back. I figured I wasn’t giving enough and therefore wasn’t feeling any in return. So I tried to give love in all the ways he desired and more. But I fell short, it didn’t work and deeper into the darkness I went. It was like I was feeding a parasite everything I was worth and finally I was just empty!

It took me almost six years in that marriage until I found a label for what I was experiencing—abuse. A single person, who had never met me before, responded to a post I had written anonymously online about some of the confusion I was having and how worthless I was feeling. “You are not only dealing with a psychopath, you are also being abused” it read… I didn’t believe it at first. There was no way I was a victim of abuse, I told myself, he had never laid his hands on me! But…, the hint I had been given was nudging me to see things clearly, so I started to learn more about abuse. The first book I opened gave me chills down to my core; it had my husband explained to a tee. And I finally accepted what world I had been living in.

To accept was the first step of me getting out of the situation. I had long known something was wrong in my marriage, I just couldn’t figure out what it was until I knew it was called abuse. Once I knew—I could finally start to crawl out of the darkness. I finally knew I wasn’t crazy. And I finally knew I wasn’t worthless, although it took me a while to feel worthy nevertheless.

Getting out of the marriage was one step, getting myself back together emotionally and mentally was a whole other game. My mind was living under his spell even if he was gone from my life physically. I didn’t know what to do or how to get back to simply being me. That strong woman I once was. One who laughed, made jokes, and loved to simply live life! I went on a quest to find her again and it seemed like everywhere I turned “you must love yourself first” was shoved in my face. I ignored it for a long time, mostly because I didn’t understand it. I got the concept but had no idea how to love me. How do you do that?! Go shopping? Eat cake? Watch Netflix for hours at end? Loose weigh so you can fit into your favorite skinny jeans? Drink Mojitos? Redecorate your bedroom?    

Nope! Did that… (yes all of it) it didn’t work. While any, and all of those gave me mini bursts of satisfaction, it never lasted. I always found myself back at square one looking for another way to satisfy my lack of self-love. Thankfully, the Universe had been watching. Patiently waiting for me to hear its whisper. Love, real love, the type of love where you can look like you haven’t slept for days, your belly won’t fit into your pants anymore, and you completely missed to check off five things on your to-do list you had promised yourself to get done, and yet be able to look at your own reflection and say “I love you anyway” and feel the sincerity and the truth behind every single word—that is real love.

I didn’t get there overnight but I did finally get there. First I had to figure out what this whole thing about love meant. So in order to do that I decided that I would teach others about love. I gathered information from spiritual and academic masters and put a program together that I named: “Learn to Love Yourself and Live a Life of Happiness Now”. It was a success from the get-go. Not only did I open my heart up to love but I helped hundreds to do the same. And, in the process I found my calling: I was to help people out of their darkness and into love!

I, the SunnySoul Coach™, was born out of darkness and determined to live in love and light. Since then, I have found EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping), which is my main healing modality today. And while I continue to grow my own inner light, I keep sharing what I learn in coaching sessions and in my first book “There is Light” released April 2017.

I don’t wish abuse on anyone but for me; it was the start of something bigger. Today I use my experiences and knowledge to help others get out of their darkness. I know I can say “I know how you feel” when people describe their fears and insecurities to me—and together we release them so they can feel the freedom of being themselves again. Free from fears holding them back. Free to live their lives and follow their dreams!

There is Light…

Xo Helena   


*** Helena Berggren, the SunnySoul Coach™, is a life coach and EFT practitioner with a background in sports management and sports psychology. She helps people get unstuck from fears, limiting beliefs, and a life in the dark by being authentic and holistic in her approach. With her gift of clairsentience, she can sense the healing needs of her clients. Today, she can also label herself as a public speaker and an author, a responsibility she is passionate about because it gives her another avenue to spread healing through love and light. She coaches individuals and groups both in person and from the comfort of their own home using a variety of online tools.  

Contact Helena thru her website or her Facebook pageClick here for her online course, Learn to Love Yourself and Live a Life of Happiness Now, at a special coupon price. For details about her book, There is Light, click here.

 

For new Awaken Blog posts, events and other Awakening news, click here to Like us on Facebook.


Related Articles:

The Science of Happiness

Embodying Love

My Reiki Story

Search The Awaken Blog

We Love Staying Connected

Join our Email List for Events, Inspiration, and Awaken News